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“A week ago, my family and I were going to Atlanta from Chicago,” writes Kelly Flanagan. – It takes about twelve hours by car. We have been looking forward to this trip! In Atlanta, the children were supposed to see their cousin. I wanted to meet my best friend, I haven’t seen him for 7 years. My wife was preparing to speak at a conference in honor of the publication of her first textbook.
And so, getting ready for the trip, I sat and washed the baby car seat because my daughter spilled yogurt on it. Laundered for a long time. The eldest son came up to me and said: “These are spots! I bet you can’t wash it off? ”. I looked at him and replied: “Son, if you make every effort, you will definitely achieve something.”
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WHAT DOES HELL’S LABOR LEAD TO?
“Work is great,” continues Kelly Flanagan. “But my lesson to my son turned out to be wrong. Maximum efforts, of course, bring results, but sometimes unpredictable. If you give all your energy to work:
you ignore the needs of the body;
you forget that work is good, but rest is sacred;
you become obsessed with work and don’t spend time with your family.
In short, you refuse to admit that you are just a person, which means that your resources are limited.
This is not easy to admit, because you want to be immortal and omnipotent. At one time, I tried to prove to everyone around that “dad can do anything.” I spent a lot of energy trying to keep up with everything and help everyone. As if I myself did not believe in my own importance and tried to find confirmation from the outside, tried to be indispensable for my loved ones. But this cannot go on for long. Overwork sets in. “
WHAT GIVES A DISCLAIMER
“It has been 48 hours since my conversation with my son,” writes Kelly Flanagan. – My family and I were driving on a highway in Tennessee. We were already on the road for 10 hours, there were only 2 left to Atlanta. And there a cousin, a childhood friend, and a banquet in honor of my wife were waiting for us.
I cleaned the child car seat, but my body was still infected. The symptoms of the disease in me and my wife intensified. We refueled the car to get to Atlanta, but we were exhausted ourselves.
It was pointless to deny further my “limitedness”. And no amount of effort could change that. I was unable to drive further, it was time to turn the car around and go home.
My son was angry and did not understand why we were giving up. Just two days ago, I told him that a man can achieve anything if he tries hard. I looked at him in the rearview mirror and admitted I was wrong. I said that stopping does not mean giving up, it means appreciating your resources and recognizing their limitations. “
HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS
We tend to overestimate the result that we expect from our efforts: “When I defend my thesis, I will be pleased with myself, but while there is nothing to be proud of, I have to work.” Then the time of protection comes, we are awarded an academic degree, but we do not get real satisfaction. At least this is not the satisfaction we expected. This is the opinion of psychologist Sean Echor.
Success and living standards depend on the worldview. And the perception of the world is made up of what we show an increased interest in. When we turn on the news on television, a stream of negative emotions pours out on us: murder, natural disasters, corruption. It seems that cruelty and disasters are the norm, and our perception of the world gets used to seeing only the bad.
You’ve probably noticed something similar yourself. When you watch a program about illness, you definitely find symptoms in yourself. Even if this disease is only common in subtropical Africa and is transmitted by tsetse flies.
Having visited 45 countries in three years, Echor discovered that the opinion prevails in the world: “The more I work, the more successful I become. And the more success I achieve, the happier I am. ” This attitude is at the core of almost all parenting, management, and self-motivation styles.
The problem is, every time you reach your goal, your brain has new ideas of success, and it raises the bar. When you get a good grade, you aim to get a higher grade; when you make good money, you want to earn more; when you meet your sales target, you strive to exceed it.
You will never be perfect. And if you believe that you will be happy when you achieve success, happiness does not shine for you.
When we are happy, our brains work better. Mental, creative and energy performance increases. This is what is important for career advancement.
It turns out that the prevailing perception of the world is wrong. The correct attitude looks like this: “The happier I am, the more success I achieve.” If we constantly experience positive emotions, we work even more efficiently than if we simply worked harder, faster and more attentively.
Echor explains this by the fact that in a state of happiness, dopamine is produced in the brain. This hormone activates all brain centers responsible for learning. We find new ways to solve the problem, and work becomes more productive.
The psychologist believes that the state of happiness lends itself to training. To become happy, you need to change your perception of the world. Just as news gives negative attitudes about the world around us, we must surround ourselves with positive ones:
For three weeks, write down three things every day for which you are grateful. This period will be enough to form the habit of noticing the good around you;
keep a journal of your successes every day in order to consolidate them in your memory. This will increase self-esteem and self-confidence;
do exercises, it will improve your mood;
do good deeds. It makes you feel useful.
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