Marriage Equality through Evolving Gender Dynamics

Introduction

Despite significant strides in women's rights and gender equality since the early 1990s, women continue to face substantial disadvantages compared to men in many aspects of life. One of the most enduring challenges is the persistence of traditional gender roles associated with marriage. While numerous movements and organizations aim to empower and support women, these traditional gender role stereotypes are often reinforced, leaving women feeling obligated to assume the role of homemaker in heterosexual marriages. The conventional male breadwinner and female homemaker family structure remains problematic because it perpetuates negative behaviors and expectations for women, leading to mental health issues and marital discord.

Historical Context

In the post-Civil War era of the United States, women's roles were primarily confined to the home. They rarely worked outside, except in desperate situations, such as becoming a servant to support their family if the husband was unable to earn enough or if she became a widow. During this period, societal expectations dictated that women focus on household duties like meal preparation, cleaning, laundry, and childcare. It was assumed that women were responsible for instilling moral values in their children. Boys, if privileged, attended public school, while mothers typically taught their daughters domestic skills. Education for girls was a privilege afforded only to a select few. Marriages in the nineteenth century were often more about maintaining social status than love and intimacy. Women were expected to marry to serve their husbands, and they faced numerous restrictions, including being barred from universities, political involvement, voting, and work because they were deemed irrational, emotional, and self-sacrificing. These limitations made women heavily dependent on their husbands.

It wasn't until the twentieth century that Congress began to pass legislation prohibiting some forms of discrimination against women. The ratification of the nineteenth amendment on August 18, 1920, marked a significant turning point, allowing women to vote legally. This amendment also improved women's access to education, provided more favorable status in child custody battles, and relaxed the total control husbands had over their wives' lives. World War II brought about a significant shift as men left to fight, leaving vacancies in the workforce that women occupied. The famous "We Can Do It" poster emerged, encouraging and boosting female worker morale. Approximately six million women joined the workforce during the war, with around 310,000 serving in non-combatant military positions. For many women, this newfound economic freedom was an eye-opening experience that would not be forgotten. They excelled in their husband's roles, and when the men returned from the war, women were reluctant to relinquish their newfound independence. This period also saw the rise of dual-earner families, where both partners worked.

The Feminist Movement

A decade after World War II, a growing number of women began questioning their exclusion from politics and traditional gender roles, sparking the feminist movement. The roots of this movement can be traced back to the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848, where women gathered to discuss their rights and social conditions. These women highlighted their exclusion from major institutions, lack of representation, inability to vote, and lack of access to higher education. They also raised concerns about dependency on husbands, as married women had no property rights, and husbands had legal control over their wives, including the right to beat them with impunity. Women were also barred from many jobs and earned a fraction of what men made when they did work. Some even likened women's conditions to slavery.

While women gained the right to vote, access to education, and the ability to divorce, discrimination persisted, leading to the feminist protests of the Sexual Revolution and the Women's Movement, recognized as the second wave of feminism. Scholars attribute this wave to the clash between domestic gender expectations and increased female participation in the labor force and education. The movement encouraged women to challenge traditional gender roles and the double standard. They sought higher education, entered male-dominated professions, and criticized the media's sexualization and sexism.

Marriage dynamics also changed during this period, with greater emphasis on love and intimacy rather than societal status. Men, too, began to view relationships through a more egalitarian lens. The availability of birth control allowed women more freedom in their sexual lives, and younger women sought less constrained lives than their mothers. The feminist movement fostered self-confidence and activism, challenging societal norms and redefining what it meant to be a woman.

Modern Gender Roles

Despite the progress made by the feminist movement, traditional gender roles persist in modern marriages, often to the detriment of both partners. The conventional notion that women are responsible for household tasks remains prevalent. Women who depend on their spouses for income often have less bargaining power in determining the division of household labor. Even in relationships where women earn more, they frequently undertake more household tasks to alleviate any perceived norm violations their spouse might experience. Partners often divide household labor along gender lines, with men typically handling tasks like lawn care and auto repair while women focus on cooking, cleaning, and childcare. This chore gap is strongly associated with gender norms rather than income.

The type of relationship a woman is in can significantly impact her level of income and overall satisfaction. Women in traditional relationships often have fewer resources, while those in egalitarian relationships enjoy greater resources. Economic strain can limit a woman's ability to work, forcing her to stay home with children due to the high costs of childcare. In traditional relationships, family satisfaction increases when partners divide responsibilities between homemaker and breadwinner roles in economically developed contexts rather than under economic strain. Women who perceive an unequal division of labor tend to be less satisfied than their spouses, leading to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction.

Men in traditional relationships often feel more satisfied because they do less housework, and they may not recognize the need for change. This attitude reflects a form of egotism in male culture, where men place themselves on a higher pedestal and view women's roles as less important. This behavior contributes to the concept of toxic masculinity, where men elevate themselves while demeaning women. Such treatment results in unhappy marriages, increased divorce rates, anxiety, and depression among women. Even when women earn more than their male partners, they may continue to shoulder household responsibilities to avoid causing discomfort.

Moving Forward

To create healthier and more satisfying relationships, it's crucial for men to shift their perspectives and consider women's experiences. The "doing gender" theory suggests that through performing relational interactions like housework and childcare, individuals find what aligns with their self-image. Women's attitudes towards gender roles are evolving faster than men's due to feminist and women's movements. In traditional relationships, happiness is often greater when men are more involved in childcare and housework. Women also find greater satisfaction when men actively participate in household duties.

In American culture, it's common for women to leave work after childbirth to nurture their infants, though men may take on this role as well. Many women face the dilemma of wanting to start a family while putting their careers on hold. For some, returning to work after childbirth isn't feasible. Women with more egalitarian views experience greater psychological distress when they return to work part-time compared to those who return full-time. A sense of accomplishment and fulfillment is essential for success, yet societal ideologies often attribute success to careers, a notion largely shaped by men. This association can lower women's self-worth. Traditional homemakers are often seen as less successful, and mothers who sacrifice career opportunities for family may feel limited by traditional gender roles.

These perceptions aren't about their love for their children but the constraints they face, feeling unable to pursue other interests due to home and family obligations. Women are often taught from a young age that nurturing is their role, and they may need to leave the workforce for childcare. In contrast, boys aren't taught to leave the workforce, leading to a lack of consideration for women's sacrifices. This imbalance not only affects women but also teaches men they can't be nurturing like women, perpetuating harmful stereotypes. The perception that women must choose between family and career can negatively impact their mental health and sense of accomplishment.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while women's lives have improved since the early 1990s, traditional gender roles continue to exert a significant influence on marriages and women's well-being. The male breadwinner and female homemaker ideology, while historically prevalent, no longer serves the needs of modern society and can have detrimental effects on both partners. Feminism has played a crucial role in challenging these norms, empowering women, and advocating for equality. However, more work is needed to address the persistent gender role stereotypes that limit women's opportunities and perpetuate inequality. By promoting more egalitarian relationships, encouraging shared responsibilities, and challenging traditional gender norms, society can move towards greater equality and improved well-being for all.

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