How do you Manage your Emotions: Exploring Emotional Intelligence

The scholar Howard Gardener states that there are multiple intelligences. “He described an individual’s cognitive abilities in terms of seven relatively independent but interacting intelligences: linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, bodily-kinaesthetic, intrapersonal and interpersonal” (IJCRSEE, 2016). The academic John Dewey focuses more on intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligences. Interpersonal refers to the understanding and the act of relating to other people, while intrapersonal refers to introspection and self-reflection. Dewey believed that the human being has to interact with what surrounds him in order to grow and learn.

In other words, to explore one’s intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence, one has to analyze his own emotions and those of the people that surround him to determine his level of Emotional Intelligence.

Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences, which includes intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligences, provides a solid foundation for understanding emotional intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence refers to the ability to understand oneself—one's own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and motivations—while interpersonal intelligence relates to the ability to understand and interact effectively with others. According to Goleman, these two intelligences are intertwined and complement each other in emotional intelligence, allowing individuals to not only better understand themselves but also to manage their emotions in social interactions (Goleman, 1995). This connection between self-awareness and the understanding of others is crucial for emotional regulation, which plays a vital role in conflict resolution and relationship building in both personal and professional contexts.

This leads to the central question of this essay: how do you manage your emotions effectively, especially in personal and professional contexts? Emotional intelligence, as explored below, offers the tools to answer this question and enhance relationships, decision-making, and overall well-being.

A highly emotionally intelligent person has the ability to recognize his/her emotions, understand them, and see how they affect those around him/her. Although, it also means to understand other people’s emotions. Emotional intelligence is defined as perceiving, understanding, and regulating emotions. It’s about the possibility to reason and solve problems. This allows a person to manage his/her relationships better and avoid conflicts. There are five elements that define emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, social skills, and motivation (mindtools.com).

Goleman defines the five characteristics that comprise Emotional Intelligence. Self-awareness is knowing how you are feeling and how those emotions are affecting people around you. Self-regulation is controlling your emotions and actions. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. Social Skills is the ability to manage a dispute, excel in communication skills, and be good at managing and building relationships. Motivation is the internal drive to achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward (Goleman, 1995).

Emotional Intelligence

If I had to appraise myself I would say that I have an above-average level of Emotional Intelligence, and there are some areas I need to handle and work on to provide and create a better ambience in the classroom and in my relationships at work and outside work. I believe that I am very self-aware of my emotions. I know how I feel all the time and can express what I am feeling. I am sensitive to the emotional climate of the people around me when I am or they are under pressure. I am also aware of the effect my behaviour has on people.

When I am under stress, I feel like I am breaking on the inside and everything is blaring red and every alarm is ringing, but according to my sister and confidant, apparently I transmit calmness, think logically, and I don’t panic at all. Also, when I am faced with a setback, I panic at first, but I quickly react and find ways to counteract and achieve a good result. Nonetheless, most of the time I then take all the stress and anxiety at home and release my nervousness on my loved ones. If I had to define myself I would never say that I am a positive person. When I am thinking about myself and the things I do, I always think that I can be better, or do better. However, I am always surprised when people around me describe me as a positive person, as I tend to always see the positive side to everything especially if the issue has nothing to do with me. Perhaps, it is also because I try to joke around to dramatize the situation.

The above reflections demonstrate both strengths and areas for improvement in how I manage my emotions. Emotional intelligence is a lifelong skill, and addressing gaps in self-regulation, empathy, and social skills can lead to better outcomes in personal and professional relationships.

When reflecting on my own emotional intelligence, I see strong connections to Goleman’s theory, particularly in the areas of self-awareness and motivation. I am consistently aware of my emotions, and I understand how they influence both my behavior and the people around me. This aligns with Goleman’s assertion that emotional awareness helps manage one’s responses and maintain control in various situations. Furthermore, my drive to continually improve—whether in my teaching practices or personal development—mirrors Goleman’s notion of intrinsic motivation. However, my struggles with self-regulation and social skills, particularly in high-stress environments, highlight areas where I still need growth, aligning with Goleman’s observation that emotional intelligence is a lifelong developmental process.

The theory of John Dewey also provides valuable insights into how emotional intelligence influences personal and professional growth. Dewey emphasized that learning is not only an intellectual activity but a deeply emotional process. He believed that humans must interact with their environment and reflect upon those interactions to grow. This idea resonates with my own teaching experience, where creating an emotionally intelligent atmosphere in the classroom is essential for fostering engagement and learning. For example, I recognize that by being more open and receptive to students' emotional needs, I can build stronger, more effective relationships that lead to better educational outcomes. In contrast, when I neglect the emotional climate, especially in challenging classrooms, the learning environment suffers.

Challenges in Self-Regulation

As for Self-Regulation, I admit that I am quite an impulsive person and sometimes I tend to convey my sentiments without restraints, especially in my private life and with my co-workers. Now I have been teaching for four years and I can say that I learnt how to control most of my emotions in the classroom, although I have to admit that I replaced my abrupt reactions to sarcastic comments or facial expressions which most of the students still understand. Hence, Self-Regulation is a characteristic which I need to push upon and improve. Nonetheless, I consider myself to be a person that requires criticism and approval. I need to know if what I am doing is right and correct, so when I am actually criticised I do not get offended, on the other hand I reflect and try to act upon it and to improve. Therefore, I admit my mistakes and errors and apologise for my actions without shame.

Empathy and Social Skills

I consider myself a good listener, to be an empathic and an understanding person. I am adept at tuning into others and their needs and most of the time I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes before I judge, most of all in the classroom. However, sometimes I do skip to judgements with my co-workers and outside work.

In relation to Social Skills, I believe that I enjoy positive relationships both at work and in my personal life. However, something I am not good at airing my grievances skilfully, I do not control my emotions when I am affronted with an unjust or unfair act. I get frustrated when I spend days and nights preparing an activity, and is not appreciated by my students, or when I work tirelessly and that work is not acknowledged. The problem is that by my abrupt reactions I achieve nothing, I only aggravate the situation and do not resolve anything. I must learn, to think before I act and avoid conflict as much as possible. I must remember that perhaps people don’t know the hours I put into my work and that I can make them see this only by talking calmly to them and make them understand how you are feeling.

Despite these challenges, I also recognize that improving my emotional intelligence involves understanding the complexities of both intrapersonal and interpersonal dynamics. Goleman’s model, combined with Gardner and Dewey’s insights, suggests that emotional intelligence is not only about understanding others but also about understanding and managing one's own emotional responses in real time. For example, when dealing with difficult students or situations, I find myself struggling with frustration, but I am learning that this reaction is often fueled by my own unmet emotional needs—something I need to address before I can respond more effectively. This process of self-reflection and self-regulation, as Dewey would suggest, is a critical part of both personal growth and teaching effectiveness.

Ultimately, to improve my emotional intelligence, I need to integrate the lessons from Gardner, Dewey, and Goleman into my daily practice. This means being more mindful of my emotional responses, practicing patience and empathy with others, and constantly reflecting on how my emotions affect both my personal life and my professional relationships. By doing so, I believe I can create a more harmonious environment, not just in the classroom, but in all aspects of my life. Learning how to manage my emotions effectively, particularly in high-pressure situations, is a crucial skill I need to continue developing for my personal and professional growth.

The Role of Motivation

Reflecting on how do you manage your emotions, it is clear that self-regulation and improved communication are critical to achieving both professional and personal goals. This involves not only understanding my own emotions but also fostering positive interactions with others.

With respect to motivation, I am a very self-motivated person and I believe that one always has to sacrifice a little to achieve good results, thus I think I am motivated once I truly know my goals and what I want to achieve. I like to learn new things, especially related to my job and how I can improve my performance in the classroom, how to motivate my students, how to engage them. Therefore, I take on new challenges, learn how to use new technologies and methods, and being a perfectionist I try to do so in the best way possible, I keep on pushing to reach the goal I set in my mind. I also try to motivate my students by providing them with different ways and methods how to progress and keep on building on what they learnt so far.

In conclusion, how do you manage your emotions is not only a personal question but a critical skill for professional success. Emotional intelligence offers the tools to regulate stress, build empathy, and strengthen relationships, all of which are essential to thriving in life and work.

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