10 Essential Skills Needed to be a Charming Person 

Being drawn to people is an art. Getting closer with people of the right attitude is even better. There is no better relationship than one with a polite, agreeable, trustworthy, and kind individual. Simply say, a charming person.

These are the kind of persons that you would really want to build a personal and working relationship with. So, have you wondered why some people are more charming than the others? Let’s discover them together. First, I will list them out, as we walk through these ten points, we will also address the essential skills behind each, which will make you a charming person. Then, we will wrap things up.

1. They do not hide their excitement to meet others or be in their midst
2. Sometimes, they let off some signs of vulnerability.
3. Charming people work to agree more, rather than seek objections
4. They employ the selective use of touch
5. Charming people often dine on their eccentricities
6. Think of social jiu-jitsu; Charming persons are masters at it
7. Take a test: the waiter test for charming personalities
8. You think being great with names is a chore? That is not the case with charming persons.
9. They do not engage in name-dropping
10. Charming persons say less

1. They do not hide their excitement to meet others or be in their midst

You do feel important when you understand that some gets you, don’t you? I mean, when someone respects your opinion, point of view, or experience- any message you are trying to convey- it is one of the best things in the world. Even though, the other person does not always have to agree with all you say; showing that they respect your person and your opinion just happens to keep you going.

So, how do they manage to pull this off?

They are specialists in maintaining eye contact! Charming persons simply follow you along. When you smile, they smile and when your let off a frown, they just frown. It’s the same thing when you nod, they mimic you. But, you have to note that they do not slavishly mimic your behavior, they are simply focused on what you have to say. When there is a feedback loop attached to communication, bonding increases. Bonding is the key to charming people.

So, here is what you have to do:

Stay focused on what the other person in the room has to say. When you give people such undivided attention, you become charming to them. They would always want to have you around. Remember, noticeable feedbacks is essential to bonding.

2. Sometimes, they let off some signs of vulnerability.

One of the likely storylines of any meeting between successful persons is them trying to outwit one another or prove who is more successful. Well, this is not the case with charming individuals. Charming people are not in the game to win unstated competitions. As the obvious suggests, they even try to lose. Not because they want to lose, but their demeanor is not to compete with anyone, but just do their thing and move on. These persons are complimentary, impressed with things they discover. They are ready to admit a flaw, mistake or failure on their part.

It is easy to. Let’s say you meet Elon Musk and he happens to mention a ground-breaking feat on his SpaceX program that will see man take the next leap in exploring the universe. Don’t just seat there and try to win. Don’t try to prove anything- even though you might not find something easy to match that feat- still, you don’t have to prove a point. Simply give credit. You could say, “Wow, I am jealous…. “, you can go further and mention one of your goals. The bottom line is to give compliments to what you are hearing or seeing. There is nothing wrong in mentioning your shortcomings. Charming people have that much confidence to do so. They are aware that even though people are impresses by artificial things to an extent, everyone truly appreciates what is genuine.

3. Charming people work to agree more, rather than seek objections.

It is honestly quite easy to fall into the habit of disapproving things. As we are trained to discuss issues, challenge, be the devil’s advocate, all because separating the great ideas from the chaff is done by exchanging opinions. We are trained to adopt the believe that automatic agreement is not helpful. It is easy to disagree than agree. That is why when an idea flies into the room, taking a different side automatically happens so easily. And we all know what happens eventually- the conversation seems to be an argument.

So, what is it that charming people do?

They do not actively look to disagree. Instead, they look for common grounds, areas or points to agree with. If the situation presents itself, they then share their opinions or different views- in a manner that every one comes out of the conversation with a better viewpoint. Charming persons simply pose a constructive argument to things.

What do you have to do?

Instead of going down through the full-blown antagonistic path, seek points of agreement in the conversation. When you can agree with your audience to a reasonable degree, you can further pitch up your idea in a way that would upbuild the other party.

4. They employ the selective use of touch.

The effect of touch can be so powerful. I’m referring to nonsexual touch in this case- as I fully know that sexual touch has such effect as well, thanks. That said, touch has great influence on behavior, it increases the likelihood of compliance, endearing the person doing it, making them seem friendly and more attractive. Touching is a powerful sales tool.

Have you wondered why we shake hands give a gentle pat on the arm or shoulder when trying to congratulate someone? Is it really because it is a formal act or we really want to show how sincere we are and appreciate the effort made by that person? – I guess you might not have thought about that until now, well if you haven’t here is the chance to figure that out. That said, touching reinforces how sincere we are.

Here is what charming people do

When conversing, they show the sincerity of their words by selectively touching whoever they are conversing with. This is not always purposeful, but they really know how show emotions. When the conversation tilts to a congratulatory side, they let of emotions and give a pat or a hand shake. If the atmosphere is sad, they let out a hug, if there is a need for it.

What can you do

Follow through the emotions surrounding the conversation and focus on the feelings of others in it.

5. Charming people often dine on their eccentricities.

As they are willing to admit when they go wrong, charming people do not mind making themselves serve as cautionary tales. They do not shy away from being the source of laughter for both themselves and others- apparently, they give people joy in different ways- and they are not scared to look a bit silly once in a while. It may be just a bit too extreme t skate in cowboy’s suit, but these individuals are not afraid of being in such situations where they do not perform to their usual best.

And as it happens, they even get more respect for such instances. Why you may ask? They have just simply exhibited a hint of vulnerability; that they a genuine; that they are humans afterall.

Now, over to you.

Are you ready to admit it when you go wrong? Are you willing to be the source of laughter when your mistake may seem funny, but can serve as a lesson to others? Are you always bent in creating a perfect self-image, even to persons close to you? Getting answers to these questions will help you identify your position in dining out on your foibles.

6. Think of social jiu-jitsu; Charming persons are masters at it.

There are two kinds of people. Those that get you to discuss openly, and those that do not want to have a conversation- Okay, I did not just say that. Well, that person who are adept at getting you to converse. How do they do this? By asking open-ended questions. All they want is sincerely know your opinion, and that is the trick. Before you know it, you are already opening to them surprisingly. And there is this feeling that comes along with that; you start feeling very special, like the earth’s most interesting person.

You surely will like persons who make you feel this way. You bond with them.

Here is what to do. In your journey to learn a thing or more about someone; ask why they do it; how they do it; what fascinates them about it; or stuffs they have learned from doing it. Sincere questions makes answers easy to get in an introspective, thoughtful way. Just as charming people make you think about yourself in a good way and charming in the long run, you too can do same. Even better!

7. Take a test: the waiter test for charming personalities.

Charming people always come out on top of the waiters test. What is the waiters test? You might ask. Before delving into that, you should know why the test is needed. As some persons have learnt to turn up well or put a great show under certain situations, it is necessary to know what they really are; especially whey they have people beneath them. Now here is what the waiter test is; it involves taking the person you want to get to know pretty well out to lunch. The manner in which he/she interacts with and treat the waiter gives a fair picture of his/ her interpersonal skills than how he deals with you.

Is this necessary at all? Well, Charming individuals treat people, I mean everyone in the same way under different conditions with kindness and respect. That is why they are charming afterall.

8. You think being great with names is a chore? That is not the case with charming persons.

There is this sinking feeling when you forget the name of someone, especially the name of someone you should be remembering. Still, there is no worse feeling than discovering someone who should be remembering your name has forgotten, or cannot even figure out who you are. Really disappointing right? You suddenly get detached when you are treated that way. Now, it is time to switch roles. As a person trying to endear others to you, would you really want a situation where people will get let down by you not knowing who they are, or their names? No way. This is not a quality of a charming person. Charming people recall names and tiny details of persons they deal with. When people remember little details about us, it raises morale- we feel better about ourselves, in turn we are endeared towards them.

How do you get to pull this off?

In reality, not everyone get to recall names of persons with ease. But, there are ways to go about it. It all requires efforts. It is a skill that can be learnt and should be. By paying attention to people and having a keen interest in what they do, it becomes easy to remember things about them.

Now, we do know that charming people do not let go of names, but….

9. They do not engage in name-dropping.

“I was driving down the road on this sunny Thursday, and guess who I saw at stepping out his car? Elon Musk.” Charming persons do not do this. They are good at resisting the urge of dropping the names of cool persons they have met in conversations. Yes, we all know someone, some of us know quite a number of celebrities; important personalities; pace setters; you name it, you just have to keep who you know to yourself. No one has to know about it, especially when you are not asked or you it is not related to the topic discussed. Do not bore people with such information, it only puts you away.

10. Charming persons say less.

Charming persons are measured. They know when to talk and when not to. They often say the right things. How is that often the case? It is simply down to the fact that they say less. Doing so, gives less room to say things that hurt; are unfounded; baseless; or derail a conversation. Because they know what they know, they are more concerned with knowing what you know. When you get such attention and focus, you no doubt feel important. Well, you really are and you should know it.

So, here is what to do

When conversing with others, listen more. When you set out to listen more, you automatically talk less. When your focus is placed on other participants of the conversation, they feel relaxed, special and it endears them to you. Then you truly become a charming person to them.

Some Extra tips

Remember that being charming involves the perception of others about you. You need to be charismatic. Well charismatic personalities are of different kinds. Some are quieter and depend more on personal charms, while others thrive as passionate communicators, winning everyone along the way with their energy. Here are some extra tips to abide by to keep you on track whether you are that silent communicator or the one whose word’s sways others.

To charm, you need;

• A presence,
• Be influential, and
• Lead

Let us go over them together.

Presence

Having a presence requires being confident. Charming persons are confident- or mostly appear to be so and have a presence. Such persons believe in their abilities, are optimistic and resilient when setbacks occur. This goes beyond being confident in communicating, they make others feel confident- creating and strengthening bonds. They radiate positivity, not confidence in an egotistical way.

Influence

Charming persons have good persuasion skills and can easily influence others to do things. They possess the ability to persuade, encourage and influence people to do even the impossible; motivating them to do hard tasks. Being influential begins with little efforts; being sincere is a great starting point.

Lead

Charming individuals lead. They are known to be natural leaders as they seem to make leadership as effortless as possible. Through extremely strong communication skills, such individuals develop a compelling vision to carry their audience along. By demonstrating a variety of leadership skills, they win hearts.

To be charming, you must relate well with others, have a great command of your emotions and show your true emotions when it works to your advantage. Be like a swimming swan. Be serene and calm on the surface in spite of having a lot going on from the view of the casual observer. You will only get interesting and endearing to others, and when that happens you will charm them.

Did you like this example?

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