Myself: a Reflection on Identity and Personal Growth

Introduction

Who are you? This is often the first question posed when people meet. However, understanding ourselves goes far beyond the one-word answer we typically offer. The way we see ourselves is important, especially considering the ever-changing societal standards. To understand oneself is to see that life is ever-changing. I invite you to walk with me as I analyze how the different components of my identity comprise my whole self and how those pieces of my identity have grown, expanded, and developed throughout my 19 years.

First, our fateful question: Who am I? This essay will attempt to present my experience with the different aspects of my identity, encouraging you to engage with such levels of thought in your own self-exploration, if possible. I also hope to engage in a secondary analysis of my own growth over the years and who I am at present. Identity and personal growth are often interconnected experiences. Our identities contribute to where we end up and also change as part of that journey, and thus can be seen as a lifelong process of evolution. I hope this reflection will be as illuminating for you as it is for me, as I partake in its development. Lo and behold: the girl before you, ready to answer the question, “Who am I?” Now, take a moment to think of your answer. What key factors contributed to your self-perception?

What Makes You, You?

No matter how much it might feel that way, identity isn’t something as permanent as something like someone’s eye color; it’s not something that’s chosen for you before you’re even born. It’s made up of any number of facets – it could be influenced significantly by someone’s culture and customs, by the specifics of their upbringing and living situation, by their interactions with other people. It could be influenced by all of the above and more. Some like to think of formative experiences as a significant part of identity, and that’s true to a certain extent, but even that is shaped by one’s lived experiences. And that’s not even to say that there’s only one answer for any of these – someone’s identity might be influenced by their race, while another might not at all; someone might relate to what being a man means more strongly than another man. Environmental factors are also significant: in a country like the United States, for example, being Christian (and specifically, being Protestant) is seen a very particular way, while in a country like India, that same man’s identity involves Hinduism in much the same way. In South Africa, he’d be Zulu.

Figuring out just what it is that makes you who you are can be more than a little tricky. When I was a little kid, for the longest time I thought of myself simply as “Indian.” It made sense; my mom was born in India, I was surrounded by lots of Indian people and Indian culture. But over time, I started reading books and watching TV that eventually made me take another look at my identity – could I really call myself “Indian” if I didn’t speak one of the many Indian languages and had never set foot in the subcontinent before? It was hard for me, a fourth grader struggling to get through multiplication and long division, to suddenly grapple with the concept of cultural appropriation. And while that struggle mostly resolved itself after a good while – especially knowing what I do know about my background – the entire process certainly marks an interesting shift in my identity.

The Journey of Personal Growth

Now I want to talk about making a better version of myself. As we grow up, we are all changing and learning from our experiences. We are all willing to become a new person through the process of adaptation and development. In our lives, the development process can be divided into five stages, namely growth, curiosity, contradiction, translation, and behavior. There are many ways for self-growth in our lives. For example, if we want to reach an excellent goal in life, we need to have a direction and drive to walk on it.

There are various facades. To the knowledge of most, the manifest me is a fleeting piece of consistently evolving landscapes. I have lived to feel beyond intellectual and appreciate things on levels only poets can attest to. I’ve recounted memories too beautiful and felt despair too undisturbed within my blood to be unchanged in some way. We’re all different than we were moments ago. I am grateful. We are estranged in these goodbyes nobody elicits from expiration or seeking. There are days I wish I could wish nothing more than to lay my head on softness for a while. I mellow, breathe calmly for a few months, then anxious again, head off somewhere far to my thoughts and subtleties. The walking doesn’t stop; it continues, with more insight than yesterday. Cultivate your truth each day. I hear this calm poetic voice quelling in my head, keep the cringe, anxiety, and unease contained, save the kid embracing simplicity, stop hiding; the treasures are of your flesh. Our journey is eternal until the last breath. Be a friend to the growth within you. A tortured artist and sullen soul. Make peace with it, create, and live your truth.

Challenges and Opportunities for Self-Discovery

The journey to find oneself is no walk in the park. Many of us have to dig through a mountain of societal ideals, our own fears, and even the beliefs of those around us before we unearth the extraordinary. There is an innate negativity surrounding the journey of self-discovery that I think is absolutely absurd. So what if it’s a difficult road? Since when have the greatest experiences not been encapsulated within the most extraordinary tribulations? Without challenge, there is no growth; it is as simple as that. Perhaps you’re asking yourself what exactly makes this a difficult journey. Well, here’s the truth: First, no one is comfortable with change and, make no mistake, understanding who you are now and who you want to be is an undeniable metamorphosis. Everyone faces internal challenges, whether they stem from fears, preconceptions about ourselves, or persistent outside voices that just won’t be quiet. At the crux of it all, though, may be the deepest fear that we are, truly, nothing special. However, rest and accept that you are not fighting alone in this battle to understand who you are. There is more of you than there ever was before and there is absolutely nothing you can’t take on. I have my own internal challenges, demons that continue to bark even at this very moment, both of which I fear and respect. Since I was able to label both, however, I found I was able to sit down beside them and take a good look at myself for the first time in years. Do not shy away from the experiences and thoughts that make you uncomfortable. Now is the time to question, now is the time to grow.

Authenticity and Self-Acceptance

Living authentically involves living in a way that truly reflects who we are and what we believe to be important. I hope for myself and others that, more often than not, we can see actions that reflect our values. There are many of these that we might all agree on, things like being kind to unfamiliar people we meet, or offering help when someone is in need. But I think we could call the challenge of living authentically the same as the challenge of personal growth. It’s not as solved and stable as other puzzles might be. And, with so many voices coming from so many different locations telling us how to appear, it’s no wonder we can feel lost.

As I'm sure we’re all aware, there are many voices that hinder personal growth, rather than aid it. Most of us are familiar with the pressure to keep our weaknesses and difficulties hidden from others. It’s “part of the job” to remain competent and in control at all costs, and increasingly the expectation is that we are to embrace – even “sell” – this persona as authentic. But all this amounts to is a kind of self-delusion. Rather than allow ourselves to work through our mistakes and grow from them, we hide them and subsequently stifle that growth. Aligning this facade with something that could even be mistaken for authenticity does not lead to growth at all. It sounds hard, impractical, and intentionally dangerous, but the only way to grow is as authentically as possible, void of pretending. This doesn’t only pertain to our faults, but also our hopes, dreams, passions, and achievements. Each of these demands to be nurtured and expressed in order to become authentic. Each time I see this happen, I am inspired. I see people cultivating spaces of in-depth relations with themselves and embracing those same transformational possibilities for others. It is the beginning of awakened curiosity about oneself and others. It’s courageous and empowering.

Finally, self-care. If we want to grow, we have to value it. Savor it, even. The temptation often is to shy away from what is messy and complicated, to show ourselves and others a polished product. It’s motivated by two things: maintaining some kind of control, which gives us the idea of stability, and seeking the approval of others. But the pursuit of the image of perfection is a persevering death of creativity and growth. So, if we’re going to compare things, compare. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that everything that is a part of us is perfect. The good, the bad, the gross, the fascinating, the subtle, the obvious – there is no “ideal.” There is no way to make an ideal comparison because no two people are constructed exactly the same way. The reality is that we are competing with the substantialness of our own being, which means that we win, no matter what. Practice mindful comparison in daily life, and let it elevate you. And when necessary, catch a serious case of self-compassion. The aspirational, ugly, intense parts of ourselves are the stars of our self-story. Close your eyes and imagine what your self-acceptance would feel like, taste like, look like. What it would look like worn by no one else but you. Then embody it. Deeply, authentically, and unapologetically. Embrace your extremeness.

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