The Journey of Joe Toles: a Beacon of Hope for Older Adoptees

Joe Toles challenges traditional family roles by adopting older children, proving that love transcends conventional definitions. Over the past decade, Toles has transformed the lives of six young men, and he is now on the cusp of welcoming a seventh, 20-year-old Jhon from the Dominican Republic, who has learning disabilities. This essay explores Toles's journey, highlighting the significant impact of adopting older children and the broader implications for society. Growing up in foster care himself, Toles's determination to adopt older children stems from a deeply personal understanding of the challenges they face.

Born to a young mother and placed in foster care early in life, Toles experienced firsthand the instability and lack of emotional support that often characterize the foster system. Despite his talent in athletics, his foster parents did not show support, even neglecting to attend his competitions. These experiences fueled Toles's lifelong desire to offer stability and security to those who need it most: young people in their teens and twenties who are often overlooked in the adoption process. “There’s never going to be the perfect time to start or expand your family,” Toles asserts, emphasizing that the need for a loving home transcends timing.

The plight of older children in foster care is well-documented. Studies indicate that teenagers who age out of the system without being adopted face increased risks of educational failure, poverty, and homelessness. Toles, however, was fortunate to encounter a track coach who changed the trajectory of his life. Under the coach's mentorship, Toles excelled in athletics, earning a full scholarship to Auburn University. This pivotal relationship not only offered him a path to success but also inspired his parenting philosophy: “I treat you the way you deserve to be treated,” a mantra he now imparts to his sons.

Navigating the complexities of adopting older children, particularly those with special needs like Jhon and two of his other sons, demands resilience and support. Toles acknowledges the invaluable assistance he has received from You Gotta Believe, a nonprofit dedicated to securing permanent homes for hard-to-place teenagers and young adults. This organization played a crucial role in matching Toles with his six adopted sons: Xavier, Johnathan, Ronny, Creemel, Kamren, and Cinsere. Each adoption represents not just an expansion of Toles's family but a lifeline for the young men who might otherwise have faced uncertain futures.

The significance of Toles's mission extends beyond his immediate family. His eldest son, Xavier, is now a father to 3-year-old twins, demonstrating the generational impact of a stable, loving home. Despite no longer being with their mother, Xavier maintains a close relationship with his sons, often turning to Toles for guidance. Describing his father as “a coach in the corner,” Xavier highlights the enduring influence of Toles's nurturing approach. This ripple effect of love and stability underscores the profound difference one person can make in altering the life trajectory of others.

Joe Toles's story is a testament to the transformative power of adoption, particularly for older children who are often deprived of hope and opportunity. By opening his home and heart to those in need, Toles challenges societal norms and demonstrates that family is defined not by blood but by love and commitment. His journey serves as an inspiring reminder that adopting older children, while fraught with challenges, brings immeasurable rewards. “Adopting an older child gives hope to somebody who probably doesn’t have much hope at that moment,” Toles reflects. His unwavering dedication to providing a “home base” for his sons exemplifies the profound impact of compassion and underscores the necessity of reexamining our attitudes toward adoption. As Toles continues to expand his family, his legacy of love and resilience offers a compelling blueprint for others to follow, proving that “love happens and it changes everything.”

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