Understanding Emotional and Family Relationships

Intro 

A genogram is a diagram that shows a hierarchy of connected family systems. It shows multiple system levels or systems embedded within another system. A subsystem is the largest system in my genogram. It includes everyone from grandparents to their grandkids. A subsystem is a smaller system, including parents and their kids. Boundaries both connect and separate subsystems within a subsystem. Many outside systems, like community and neighborhood systems, play a part in each family system (Olson, 2014).

My genogram shows the blood relationship between my family members.

I have included three generations, including; my grandparents, my aunts and uncles on both sides and their children. The circles stand for females. The squares are used for males. If a circle or a square has a cross through it, this means the person is deceased. Above each shape is the year that person was born. In addition, the number in shape shows the age of the individual.

Not only are the blood relationships shown in the genogram, but emotional relationships are also shown between family members. The positive emotional relationships between people include harmony, friendship/close, best friends, fan/admirer, focus on positively, love, and cut off the repair.

The most common positive emotional relationship between individuals is best friends. Best friends are found together often and have fun with each other despite the circumstances. Best friends can be found in the subsystem between siblings like Maddi/Macee, Jessica/Nate, Garrett/Josh, and Melissa/Ann. They also exist between parent and child, as demonstrated between Lisa/Bennett, Mel/Rich, and My dad and me. Best friends can also be found in the supra system between uncle and nephew like Rob/Nate, brother and brother-in-law like Wally/Tyler Jay, and cousins like Spencer/Eric, Halen/Jacob, and Landon/Rylan.

My genogram also includes negative emotional relationships between different family members and systems. They included cutoff/estranged, discord/conflict, distant-hostile, controlling, jealousy, and negatively focused relationships. There are three neutral emotional relationships depicted in my genogram. The emotional relationships found in the genogram include indifferent/apathetic, distant/poor, or never met. These emotional relationships are neither positive nor negative.

As noted, the genogram diagram shows both family relationships and emotional relationships. It is important to also point out that relationships shift and modify over different periods of time. Also included in the genogram are numerous emotional triangles in each individual subsystem. An example of an emotional triangle in my genogram is between my uncle Rich, aunt Lisa, and their oldest daughter Ellie. Rich and Lisa are married and in love with each other. Being in love has many different definitions, but, in this case, being in love is when intimacy and romantic pursuits play a role within their relationship. Rich and Ellie have a friendship/close relationship. They both enjoy each other’s company and have created a close, reliable, and genuine relationship. Ellie very much admires her mother and tries to be and act just like her.

Another emotional triangle in my genogram is between my Uncle Kevin, aunt Allison, and their son Brigham. Kevin and Allison have been married for a while and are still very much in love with each other. Allison and Brigham have an emotionally cutoff/estranged relationship. This means they were once close, but a situation pulled them apart. This has created tension in Kevin and Brigham’s relationship with each other. They have a distant/poor relationship in which neither is very close, and neither individual invests significant energy to strengthen it.

According to Diana Baumrind, there are four main parenting styles. The first is the Democratic/Authoritative Style. Parents that use this Style use both power and reason to enforce their rules and expectations. They also discuss rules and expectations with their children and acknowledge their perspectives. It is the perfect balance of parental support and control. The second is the Authoritarian Style. Parents that use this Style establish rigid rules and expectations and strictly enforce them. This type of family system is extremely difficult for adolescents, who tend to rebel against their parents. The third is the Permissive Style.

Parents of this Style don’t give their children any rules or expectations. They have high parental support and control. This type of parenting is not very healthy for children because it creates impulsive-aggressive behavior. The fourth is Rejecting Style. This parenting technique is very damaging to children. Parents of this Style seldom pay attention to their child’s needs and have very low support and control over their children. They believe that a child should behave and have many rules to follow. Parenting styles become a very critical element in regulating adolescents’ growth and adjustment to the real world. Children with parents that tend to be too strict or too lenient may develop more mental and emotional problems (Darling, 1999; Olson, 2014).

My Grandma and Grandpa Marker used the Democratic/Authoritative parenting style with their kids. They set the rules and expectations down. And if someone broke the rules, there were consequences. In addition, they also discuss how to enforce rules and make sure to get their children’s points of view on how to do it. All their children were very successful in High School. They all are energetic, self-reliant, and very achievement oriented. An example of how my grandparents used this parenting method is their set curfew for their children at midnight. One day my Uncle Matt didn’t make it home on time. So, my grandparents made his curfew 10 PM the rest of the week. However, one time he went on a date, and the car broke down. He called his mom and talked through things. Together they concluded to move the curfew two hours back to give him time to get his car fixed and get his date home.

My Uncle Tyler Sorenson used the Authoritarian parenting style on his first few daughters. He put strict restrictions on them. He expected his kids to obey every word he said. Honesty his girls didn’t fight back and obeyed. This Style of parenting was finally challenged by my cousin, Jameson. As an adolescent, Jameson, unlike his sister, resisted the authority placed on him by his father. He struggles with his father telling him what to do. The authoritarian approach has made him more rebellious and eager to do his own will. He has low academic achievements, which is also a sign of his father’s authoritarian Style. He tends to push the envelope sometimes, and not only does that cause his parents to tighten the rules, but also it makes his life more miserable.

In the future, I want to use the Democratic/Authoritative parenting style. I want the best for my future children socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I want them to be happy and self-reliant. In addition, I want my children to be able to cope with stress and achieve many marvelous things. Making rules and setting expectations that are easily understood by the children is the most effective way to get things done. I also believe when a child’s point of view is acknowledged and taken into consideration by parents; the child is more likely to be obedient and follow the rules. Understanding why rules are established helps a child see other points of view and allows for open communication between parents and their child.

Cohesion in a family means you find a balance between separateness and closeness. Flexibility in a family means that you can keep a balance between stability and change. The Couple and Family Map shows four categories of both cohesion and flexibility. The most balanced families fit into the four central categories. They generally can work across the family life cycle with more success than an unbalanced family. Unbalanced families are those that are on the extreme levels of both dimensions. Then there are families right in between these two extremes. Being balanced in one section but being extreme in another is a Midrange family (Olson, 2014). Families balanced on cohesion allow members to be both connected and independent from the family. And families that are balanced on flexibility can maintain stability and are open to change. Consequently, if a family finds themselves on the extreme side of flexibility or cohesion are more likely to struggle with their challenges.

My grandma and grandpa Erickson didn’t start marriage balanced. When they were first married, they had a high level of cohesion and a pretty flexible life. However, when they had their first child, Karen, their life became more structurally enmeshed. They became emotionally closer as a couple while they observed their daughter start to grow. Furthermore, they had more responsibility on their shoulders which formulated a less flexible lifestyle in their lives. In addition, as they started having more children their flexibility got more rigid. They were an unbalanced family living in the extremes of rigidly enmeshed. But eventually, as the kids started growing older, they became a more balanced family with just the right levels of flexibility and cohesion.

My parents, however, haven’t changed as dramatically as my grandparents. As newlyweds, they both were working and going to school; they had a very structurally cohesive relationship. Within the span of 14 years, they had six kids. And now, with everyone in their sports programs, music lessons, and other school activities, we live by the schedule. Our family is very rigidly connected.

My cousin Jessica Faye is a newlywed. Her relationship with her husband, Kurt, is very flexibly enmeshed. They spent lots of time together shopping and going to the movies. They both have school, but they are in a lot of each other’s classes. They don’t have any children, so their schedule is very flexible, thus allowing them to be able to do things without planning beforehand.

During the family’s life cycle, dynamics in relationships shift. Most people experience change due to stress, struggles, or other factors that happen in the family. The Couple and Family Map is very useful in this case because it is easy to track the levels of cohesion and flexibility over time.

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