Navigating Confrontational Therapy: my Worst Experience in a Cult Rehab

Involuntary Commitment: My Worst Experience

I don’t know how to express to others the experiences that I had during my 30-month stint in a confrontational behavior therapy rehabilitation program. My friend from treatment has started expressing what he claims is “abuse from the cult rehab” on his YouTube channel. Enticed, I decided to look deeper into this topic. I believe that my life was saved because of the rehabilitation program. However, I think that I was at a point in life where I was ready to quit.

I believe that any competent, long-term program could have sufficed.

Unfortunately, I was on an Involuntary Commitment, identical to a mental health hold. I was deemed by the state of Colorado to be a danger to myself and society because of my drug use. Like being on probation, even though I hadn’t been accused of committing a crime, I lost all rights as an independent adult. After another elaborate 28-day program failure, I found myself at a non-profit long-term residential facility. I was at the end of the line as far as treatment centers were concerned.

Relapse & Humiliation: A Return to Phase One

One of my worst memories of treatment was when I relapsed at 23 months. I was sent back to the residential building with all the “first phase residents” as a consequence. A “10/30” is what this most severe consequence is known as. The sting of my recent relapse was only exemplified as I fulfilled my chastisement, ten hours in time-out on “the bench,” and 30 days of wearing my hair up in a stocking cap. Furthermore, I was required to sport faded scrubs. I was not to have the acknowledgment from or towards my peers, all while wearing a pointless red nametag comparable to a dunce cap. Starting out as a one-month consequence, I spent months back in the First Phase. I caught consequence after consequence for stupid things. I even earned an extra two weeks for sneaking food. Continually cleaning, starting at 4:45 am, scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush, I distinctly remember watching the sun rise last April as salty tears gushed from my eyes. That was the third spring season I had spent in that same building.

House Game: Peer-Condemnation at Its Worst

Most unorthodox of all was what we call a “House Game. Profanely, a loud chorus of angry outrage is subjected upon the one person sitting in the middle of the circle. Mind you, this “circle” I’m referring to is the entire foundation, over 130 people, all yelling at that one person. The room fills with such rage and anger, mob mentality at its best.

“A study of group therapy in over 200 normal college students conducted by Yalom and Lieberman found that 9.1% of the students who completed over half of a series of ‘encounter groups’ using attack therapy had psychological damage lasting at least six months. The most dangerous groups were the Synanon-style groups with a harsh, authoritarian leader:” I feel guilt and shame for some of the things that I did in that program. Looking back, I fear that I may have negatively affected those I was supposed to be helping.

It was a common occurrence to have young women in the middle of the House Game circle being called every horrible name in the book because they slept with another resident. Per the statistics collected by the facility, two-thirds of the residents in this program had been victims of sexual abuse, not to mention other forms of trauma. I did all the intakes for this program for over a year. I told families that this was a good program to send their loved ones to.

Forced Catharsis: Confrontational Group Therapy

The therapy offered in this facility is what is coincided to be peer-led. We were to get the bulk of our therapy from our “brothers and sisters” rather than the handful of underqualified staff members employed. Being a treatment center for only the most severe cases, naturally, the average education level of the residents was no more than high school. I still remember the way my gut twisted when I came to the realization that my peers were to be my therapists for group sessions. About five hours a week were spent in “confrontational” group therapy called “the Game.” Games are meant to be a form of group therapy where the game runner works a person through their ego states using Transactional Analysis. The goal is to have a person open up by not accepting manipulative behavior in the session.

Unfortunately, it appeared to me that the residents realized that it is easiest to lay into a person until they reach catharsis, break down and cry, and then use that momentum to ask about traumatic events that were often over the heads of qualified professionals. I have been both a victim and a preparator in these therapy games. The older women in the program were particularly nasty to me. I was bullied habitually. One night during games, I was pushed so hard that all I could think of was committing suicide. I was called a psychopath, along with all the traditional slanders. I was told that I was a bad person and that people honestly didn’t like me.

Eventually, I pushed back, I wrote up every senior resident, and regrettably, I said some nasty things to the woman who was slandering me. I know that my well-thought-out words cut her deep. I was told that this wouldn’t hurt me and that I would become a better person for it. Unfortunately, today, I find that I am not able to handle criticism whatsoever. I doubt myself, and when I have a professor or boss correct me, often it brings up a ton of un-warranted emotion.

Termination: Reflecting on Hope & Change

I was terminated from the program this October after 30 months, just six days shy of completion. My offense was throwing paintballs at another resident’s car. When a resident leaves the program, they are not permitted to speak to anyone currently in the program. Effectively banished and not wanting to lose my friends and support network, I followed through with my punishment to get back into “good standings.” I was permitted a second House Game.

It angers me to think of the entire drug rehabilitation. I have been in drug treatment over eight times. Seven of the programs had almost the same curriculum. They charge 50K for a cookie-cutter 12-step group therapy over the course of 28 days. These facilities know that their programs are highly unsuccessful. However, that is a successful business model. They will state that they don’t keep statistics or they quote some lofty mutant data; however, when a facility is readmitting a client to the same program time and time again, it is malpractice. This racket is spared. I was an employee at a very expensive program, yet I watched this company have their clients assemble the bunk beds that were eventually crammed four into one room. I feel that these treatment centers have taken advantage of me almost as much as the drugs took advantage of me. At what point does the addict stop being taken advantage of by “professionals.”

I learned to harness the power of rhetoric when I was in confrontational therapy. Proposal after proposal, I was an advocate for my beliefs. I see that my words have power. It took several proposal submissions and a lot of strategic conversations. I even wrote a vigorous proposal to the CEO asserting changes that would be advantageous to revamp and why.

I would like to help people. I want to have a hand in improving the way that society views and treats addicts. After attending classes in human service, psychology, sociology, and philosophy, it is clear that changes need to occur. Human lives are being ruined by so many of what I would consider harmful practices.

The treatment program was a catalyst for many great things in my life. It’s like loving an abusive parent. Regardless of the pain, I still consider that facility my home. What helped me the most was the sense of community and acceptance I felt. Today, I am sad because I feel like I am unwelcome there for posting this paper about a year back. It is not about my alliance with or against any program. For me, it is about helping people, I understand. I want to do my part in making this a less painful process for the next struggling addict.

References

1. Smith, J. (2018). Involuntary Commitment and Rehabilitation Programs. Colorado University Press.
2. Jones, L., & Thompson, M. (2017). Relapse patterns and their psychological consequences in rehabilitation. Journal of Recovery and Relapse.
3. Yalom, I. D., & Lieberman, M. A. (1971). A study of encounter group casualties. Archives of General Psychiatry.

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