David’s “Sensation of Falling”
David’s “sensation of falling” is a part of his reality; he is falling endlessly. When people say that nothing feels real to them, they feel disconnected from reality, which David is evidently experiencing. He feels like the only reality that exists is of him falling endlessly. However, his repression is preventing things from feeling real to him. He would have to stop repressing his emotions, in order for him to feel like he is a part of reality again.
Today, when someone hides a key part of themselves, such as their sexuality, they feel as if they are disconnected from reality. They are not being themselves, so in turn, they are not truly there. Nevertheless, this was not the last time David felt distant from everyone, especially Giovani. Giovanni says that when they made love, David was making love to no one. Giovanni is talking about David’s denial of his sexuality because with that comes isolation and disassociation. Giovanni argues that David was never truly making love to him because David will not accept his act of doing so. When making love, both people must be accepting of what is happening, because if they are not, they are not truly making love. Although David does not recognize that Giovanni’s room has become his “safe place”, Giovanni’s room was an escape for David, but as soon as he heard about Hella’s return, the room began getting smaller.
In a way, the room symbolized his way of thinking, because now that she is back, David will always be trapped in his head. His head is haunted by thoughts of guilt and shame that will never leave him. Even David’s trip to France symbolizes more than what meets the eye. David is a clear example of what everyone goes through, a journey of finding one’s identity. Everyone searches for his or her own identity in life, but when our reality becomes too hard, we stray into society’s norm. In addition, David’s real reason for traveling to France was indeed to find himself, but deeply he hopes to find something that will prove his innocence.
The crime that he wants to believe that he is innocent of is his attraction towards men. As every tourist does, he allows himself to experience new things, such as spending the majority of his time flirting with men in bars. Nevertheless, his sense of autonomy is destroyed when he falls for Giovanni. As a last attempt to himself that he is innocent of the crime, David uses Hella as a shield from his true self. He does not accept his true self and decides that he can hide it by have a ‘perfect’ family with Hella. Like David, many homosexuals hide their sexuality through heterosexual relationships. However, their love is not genuine.