The Onion Magnasoles

The Onion's satirical article, "Progressive New Insoles Combine Five Forms Of Pseudoscience", employs several explanatory devices to tout its innovative, revolutionary product: MagnaSoles shoe inserts. Using the fictitious MagnaSoles as an example, the article humorously mocks the methods used by companies to market products to attract their gullible customers.

Adopting an exaggerated or sarcastic tone throughout, the piece provides the reader with a tangible taste of the tactics employed in today's dominant marketing. The passage cites "experts" in the field of pseudoscience and employs fabricated scientific jargon as an appeal to authority—an essential rhetorical device.

Together, these rhetorical tools are used alongside ethos and logos to give a hyperbolized version of a modern advertisement.

Throughout the article, dubious "pseudoscientists" are quoted regarding their new, groundbreaking product. The article cites "biotrician", Dr. Frankel, who discovered "a brand new, cutting-edge form of pseudoscience known as Terranometry". The "scientist", whose credibility is highly questionable, employs made-up and "scientific-sounding" terminology including "kilofrankels", and "comfortrons" when explaining the effect of the MagnaSoles.

The words echo elements of familiar scientific terms today, illustrating how far advertisers are willing to go to sell their products. The use of these words underlines how customers can easily be manipulated by credible-sounding language when articulated by someone claiming to be an expert, rarely questioning the speaker's ethos.

The passage challenges logic when it continues with more absurd scientific notions. It discusses the "healing power of crystals to re-energize dead foot cells with vibrational biofeedback—an operation similar to that by which medicine heals people." Not only are crystals not a genuine form of medicine, but dead cells also cannot be rejuvenated.

A delighted customer confesses that her sprained ankle healed within a mere "seven weeks". Not only might the insoles have had nothing to do with the healing, they could have even been detrimental since a sprained ankle typically takes less than seven weeks to recover. The reliability of the customer is also dubious since MagnaSoles were launched "less than a week ago".

The article concludes with another "equally impressed" customer who is pleased to say, "Why should I pay colossal sums of money to have my spine realigned with physical therapy when I can pay $20 for insoles that are plainly endorsed by a smart-looking man in a white lab coat?"

This potentially ironic comment shows that not only is the customer oblivious to the person endorsing the MagnaSoles, but he also asserts that he preferred them over a scientifically proven medical solution. The testimonials demonstrate not only how ludicrous consumer feedback can be in advertisements, but also how embarrassingly naive people can be when shopping for products.

The Onion's article vehemently assaults the ethos utilized by organizations by demonstrating how far advertisers will go to persuade individuals to purchase their questionable products. With its use of manipulative, "scientific sounding" jargon and logos, "MagnaSoles" effectively mimics a genuine article used to promote a product, while maintaining its satirical humor throughout.

MagnaSoles shifts from appearing slightly dubious to completely preposterous. Few people, if any, who read the entire article would seriously consider ordering a pair.

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